Part of being a teenage girl is having crushes.
There's this guy that goes to my school. He's cute, he's smart, and he's SO sweet. I've never heard anyone say a negative word about him. And the best part... he's single!
He's such a sweet guy, though, that I have no way to tell if he's into me. He asks me over to his house at least once a week, he always asks if he can talk to me the following day, and he gives me a hug just about every time we're together, but he does this to everyone. The worst part about it is he keeps using the F-word... friend. Every time he says it, it's like a dagger stabbing me. UGH!
I don't know what in the world to do. Do I tell him I like him? Do I ask him what his intentions are with having me over all the time? Do I drop hints? What do I do??? Help me... Please.
Boys are trouble. Don't forget that.
Sunday, July 31, 2011
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Goin' Through the Motions
Have you ever noticed how your body has its own alarm clock? Like during the school year, I'm used to waking up around 6 every morning, so the first couple weeks of summer, I'd continue to wake up around that time. It sucked.
Well I got that at camp, too. Luckily, my body didn't catch on to the whole waking up at 6:30 every morning, but I did get used to being fed 5 times a day and taking an hour and a half nap every afternoon. That causes a couple of problems, though... A) We don't have enough food in our house to feed me 5 times a day and B) Waking up at 11 makes it hard to fit in a 90 minute nap unless you stay up til about 2 in the morning...
Anyways, I feel like we get stuck in these ruts in our spiritual lives sometimes. We get stuck in our routines and just spin our tires being content with where we are at.
In my first post, I mentioned how I would receive a daily Bible verse on my phone. I would read it, but I wouldn't soak anything in. Sometimes I catch myself slipping into that same thing as I'm reading my Bible. I'll catch myself thinking about the TV show that I'm missing or what I'm going to wear the next day. I just go through the motions. I sit down at the end of each day, open my Bible, and a lot of times, that's where I lose my focus.
I catch myself most of the time, but it's still frustrating.
This post makes me think of the Matthew West song, "The Motions".
"I don't wanna go through the motions
I don't wanna go one more day
without Your all consuming passion inside of me
I don't wanna spend my whole life asking,
'What if I had given everything,
instead of going through the motions?'"
I want to stay focused on God. He deserves that time from me; that uninterrupted time. There's 24 hours in a day. I know, there are a ton of things that HAVE to get done, but... God created me! Without Him, I am nothing. Can I not spare a 15 minutes of my my day? I think I can.
"No one can serve two masters; for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and money." -Matthew 6:24
Essentially, I am trying to serve two masters when I'm more focused on worldly things rather than on God. Judging by the past, that won't work out too well.
I am going to consciously try to focus more on God and give Him all the attention He deserves. I pray that while I do this, I focus solely on Him.
Well I got that at camp, too. Luckily, my body didn't catch on to the whole waking up at 6:30 every morning, but I did get used to being fed 5 times a day and taking an hour and a half nap every afternoon. That causes a couple of problems, though... A) We don't have enough food in our house to feed me 5 times a day and B) Waking up at 11 makes it hard to fit in a 90 minute nap unless you stay up til about 2 in the morning...
Anyways, I feel like we get stuck in these ruts in our spiritual lives sometimes. We get stuck in our routines and just spin our tires being content with where we are at.
In my first post, I mentioned how I would receive a daily Bible verse on my phone. I would read it, but I wouldn't soak anything in. Sometimes I catch myself slipping into that same thing as I'm reading my Bible. I'll catch myself thinking about the TV show that I'm missing or what I'm going to wear the next day. I just go through the motions. I sit down at the end of each day, open my Bible, and a lot of times, that's where I lose my focus.
I catch myself most of the time, but it's still frustrating.
This post makes me think of the Matthew West song, "The Motions".
"I don't wanna go through the motions
I don't wanna go one more day
 |
| Love this! So true!! |
I don't wanna spend my whole life asking,
'What if I had given everything,
instead of going through the motions?'"
I want to stay focused on God. He deserves that time from me; that uninterrupted time. There's 24 hours in a day. I know, there are a ton of things that HAVE to get done, but... God created me! Without Him, I am nothing. Can I not spare a 15 minutes of my my day? I think I can.
"No one can serve two masters; for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and money." -Matthew 6:24
Essentially, I am trying to serve two masters when I'm more focused on worldly things rather than on God. Judging by the past, that won't work out too well.
I am going to consciously try to focus more on God and give Him all the attention He deserves. I pray that while I do this, I focus solely on Him.
Saturday, July 23, 2011
Undeserving
I mentioned yesterday about posting the message I gave on Wednesday night. Here you go...
What does it mean to deserve something? I've always thought of it as being worthy, like you have earned it.
I do not deserve God's love. Period.
I came from a broken home. Divorced parents, all that good stuff. I had an alcohol "dad." He wasn't a father, though. He was just a man. Now luckily, this all happened while I was too young to remember it.
I lived with my grandparents while my single mom worked hard to provide for me. Then, when I was six, my mom met her current husband. He is my father. Not by blood, but just by the way he treats me.
Anyone who has divorced parents understands the guilty feeling you get. You feel like the divorce is all your fault, even if that is far from the truth. I think it was because of that guilty feeling that I became a perfectionist and a people pleaser.
Now, there's something funny about being a perfectionist. Being perfect is impossible, so on your journey to being a perfectionist, you're only setting yourself up for failure. Kinda ironic, huh?
Well anyways... As I got older, being a perfectionist became harder, especially once i got into junior high. I started playing a couple different sports, being involved in a few extra-curricular activities, and stressing about my grades. All of this going on, plus the raging hormones of a young adolescent, all became too much. I could not be perfect. I was running and running and exhausting myself for an impossible cause.
I had grown up in the church. I knew God, but I didn't have a faith that was my own. At this point in my life, I was so focused on accomplishing my impossible mission that i was totally denying God. I knew he was real, but I didn't have time for Him. I was throwing myself and all my energy into doing the impossible without God. It was EXHAUSTING!
I started experiencing both mental and physical exhaustion that I had never known before. I didn't know how to deal with it so... I snapped. I began to cut. It took away my pain. It made me feel so much better, except for that gaping hole in my heart that I later learned could only be filled with Jesus. It seems like I tried to fill that hole with everything but Him.
One night it all became too much. I couldn't keep living like this. Something had to change. I remember sitting on my bedroom floor crying and some words popping into my brain. I'm pretty sure that the majority of us have had these words memorized since nursery school. It's the verse John 3:16.
"For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life."
I was really struggling with my self-esteem, but I read this verse and thought of it over and over again. I realized that I had a person in my life who loved me so much that he died for me. I was of that much value. I was worth that much. I was cared for that much by a man I had turned my back on repeatedly. That still blows my mind.
Okay. Close your eyes. Now think of the one person that you love the absolute most. Is it your boyfriend? Girlfriend? Husband? Wife? Child? Is it your best friend? All right, now take a minute to think about that person and all the things you love about them...
You can open your eyes now.
I'm not sure about you guys, but I know that I am WAY too selfish to let this person die for someone who is totally unworthy.
After all the cutting, after all the running, I deserved God the least, but that's when He loved me the most. By God's grace alone, I was saved. I am undeserving of God's love but He is such an amazing and merciful God that He sought me out and showed His mighty hand when I was at my lowest. He lifted me up. He listened to me. He cared for me, but most of all, He loved me. What an awesome God we serve!
The end. But I feel the need to add the chorus from a worship song here as my prayer for the day.
"Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like you
Have loved me
BREAK MY HEART FOR WHAT BREAKS YOURS
Everything I am for your kingdom's cause
As I walk from Earth into eternity."
-Hosanna by United Live
None of us deserve God. We all have done things that have separated us from God, but no distance is too great to overcome. We serve a mighty master who will ALWAYS take us back.
"And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God's love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow-not even the powers of hell can separate us from God's love. 39 No power in the sky above or in the earth below-indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of god that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord." -Romans 8:38-39
The entire passage is amazing. I totally suggest reading it. (Romans 8:31-39.)
What does it mean to deserve something? I've always thought of it as being worthy, like you have earned it.
I do not deserve God's love. Period.
I came from a broken home. Divorced parents, all that good stuff. I had an alcohol "dad." He wasn't a father, though. He was just a man. Now luckily, this all happened while I was too young to remember it.
I lived with my grandparents while my single mom worked hard to provide for me. Then, when I was six, my mom met her current husband. He is my father. Not by blood, but just by the way he treats me.
Anyone who has divorced parents understands the guilty feeling you get. You feel like the divorce is all your fault, even if that is far from the truth. I think it was because of that guilty feeling that I became a perfectionist and a people pleaser.
Now, there's something funny about being a perfectionist. Being perfect is impossible, so on your journey to being a perfectionist, you're only setting yourself up for failure. Kinda ironic, huh?
Well anyways... As I got older, being a perfectionist became harder, especially once i got into junior high. I started playing a couple different sports, being involved in a few extra-curricular activities, and stressing about my grades. All of this going on, plus the raging hormones of a young adolescent, all became too much. I could not be perfect. I was running and running and exhausting myself for an impossible cause.
I had grown up in the church. I knew God, but I didn't have a faith that was my own. At this point in my life, I was so focused on accomplishing my impossible mission that i was totally denying God. I knew he was real, but I didn't have time for Him. I was throwing myself and all my energy into doing the impossible without God. It was EXHAUSTING!
I started experiencing both mental and physical exhaustion that I had never known before. I didn't know how to deal with it so... I snapped. I began to cut. It took away my pain. It made me feel so much better, except for that gaping hole in my heart that I later learned could only be filled with Jesus. It seems like I tried to fill that hole with everything but Him.
One night it all became too much. I couldn't keep living like this. Something had to change. I remember sitting on my bedroom floor crying and some words popping into my brain. I'm pretty sure that the majority of us have had these words memorized since nursery school. It's the verse John 3:16.
"For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life."
I was really struggling with my self-esteem, but I read this verse and thought of it over and over again. I realized that I had a person in my life who loved me so much that he died for me. I was of that much value. I was worth that much. I was cared for that much by a man I had turned my back on repeatedly. That still blows my mind.
Okay. Close your eyes. Now think of the one person that you love the absolute most. Is it your boyfriend? Girlfriend? Husband? Wife? Child? Is it your best friend? All right, now take a minute to think about that person and all the things you love about them...
You can open your eyes now.
I'm not sure about you guys, but I know that I am WAY too selfish to let this person die for someone who is totally unworthy.
After all the cutting, after all the running, I deserved God the least, but that's when He loved me the most. By God's grace alone, I was saved. I am undeserving of God's love but He is such an amazing and merciful God that He sought me out and showed His mighty hand when I was at my lowest. He lifted me up. He listened to me. He cared for me, but most of all, He loved me. What an awesome God we serve!
The end. But I feel the need to add the chorus from a worship song here as my prayer for the day.
"Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like you
Have loved me
BREAK MY HEART FOR WHAT BREAKS YOURS
Everything I am for your kingdom's cause
As I walk from Earth into eternity."
-Hosanna by United Live
None of us deserve God. We all have done things that have separated us from God, but no distance is too great to overcome. We serve a mighty master who will ALWAYS take us back.
"And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God's love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow-not even the powers of hell can separate us from God's love. 39 No power in the sky above or in the earth below-indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of god that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord." -Romans 8:38-39
The entire passage is amazing. I totally suggest reading it. (Romans 8:31-39.)
I'm back!
So I got back from church camp last night. This was probably the first year I've really looked forward to going home. Don't get me wrong... I had a fantastic time, but I don't know what it was. This year was also a little different for me. Normally I'm only worried about changing my heart, and my heart was changed this year, but I also got to impact others, too. I came to camp with 2 main goals in mind. First and foremost, to grow closer to God. Secondly, to make new friendships and grow closer to other people. I accomplished both :)
I had been praying a lot lately and felt like God had been laying it on my heart to share my story. I talked to the dean of the camp and he let me share my testimony and give the message on Wednesday night. It was amazing.
I made a lot of new friends and met some FANTASTIC people. People that I hope and pray I keep in touch with through the future.
I felt kinda like an outsider at times, though. The camp that I go to doesn't allow any electronic devices. Well it seemed like I was pretty much the only one not texting in the bathroom or falling asleep to my iPod. Isn't the point of these camps to disconnect from the world and connect to God? Oh well.
So we had 2 college groups come in and help us out. The group from Johnson University in Knoxville, TN was HILARIOUS and super great people.
And we had a group from Greenville College also
Camp this year was pretty darn great. The people were great, the music was great. And my favorite memory of all.... learning to square dance with Square Dance Hall of Famer Ozzie Pearl calling. That was a BLAST. If I have some time tomorrow, I will write out the message that I gave on Wednesday night just to give ya'll something else to think about.
Well... my mommy's yelling at me to clean my room so I should probably go...
I had been praying a lot lately and felt like God had been laying it on my heart to share my story. I talked to the dean of the camp and he let me share my testimony and give the message on Wednesday night. It was amazing.
I made a lot of new friends and met some FANTASTIC people. People that I hope and pray I keep in touch with through the future.
I felt kinda like an outsider at times, though. The camp that I go to doesn't allow any electronic devices. Well it seemed like I was pretty much the only one not texting in the bathroom or falling asleep to my iPod. Isn't the point of these camps to disconnect from the world and connect to God? Oh well.
So we had 2 college groups come in and help us out. The group from Johnson University in Knoxville, TN was HILARIOUS and super great people.
 |
| From left to right: Carrie, Tyler, Courtney, and Max |
 |
| Again from left to right: Kelly, Michael, Mitchell, Andrew, Lauren, and... sound guy. |
Well... my mommy's yelling at me to clean my room so I should probably go...
Saturday, July 16, 2011
Love and Hate
I'm 15. I'm not supposed to know about love, right? Well regardless of that, love causes me some frustration.Not the action of love, but the word. How did something so sacred become so overused? How can we use the same word to express our feelings for God and a stupid TV show or a slice of pizza??
I know a lot of high school couples. They will meet a new person and a day later, they will be in "love". The next week they break up. I fear the majority of my generation has no comprehension of true love at all. I am certainly guilty of over-using this word myself, but I'm trying to be more conscious of my use and making some substitutions. For example, now I don't love my pop tarts, I simply like them.
Along with my frustration of the over-use of the word love, the over-use of the word hate, also irks me. God equates hate with murder. This is one word I don't hardly ever use. Why do people feel the need to use it so frequently? Oh well... I can't exactly change what others do.
Enjoy your day :)
I know a lot of high school couples. They will meet a new person and a day later, they will be in "love". The next week they break up. I fear the majority of my generation has no comprehension of true love at all. I am certainly guilty of over-using this word myself, but I'm trying to be more conscious of my use and making some substitutions. For example, now I don't love my pop tarts, I simply like them.
Along with my frustration of the over-use of the word love, the over-use of the word hate, also irks me. God equates hate with murder. This is one word I don't hardly ever use. Why do people feel the need to use it so frequently? Oh well... I can't exactly change what others do.
Enjoy your day :)
Friday, July 15, 2011
Home Sweet Home
Cable... Internet... Cell service. It all seems too good to be true, but I am finally HOME!!! Don't get me wrong, vacation was fantastic, but it's always nice to get home. It isn't all lovely, though. We came home to a broken air conditioner which would be fine... if it wasn't 95 degrees here.
 |
| Town Water Tower (AKA only place with cell service) |
All in all, it was a really good vacation. We had TONS of fun. However, my daily Bible reading didn't go so well. I started out doing good, but I just fell away. There are no excuses to be made. I just have to start up where I left off. Hopefully I will get the kick in the butt that I need when I leave for church camp tomorrow.
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